When I was in youth groups and later serving as a youth sponsor/leader I did more then one of those “What spiritual gifts do you have?” quizzes. Now if you know me at all you’ll probably guess that I got serving and administration which is pretty accurate. But what you might not have guessed was that my next gift was always faith. I have never been the type of person who got angry at God because something didn’t go my way or if something was happening that I thought unjust. Faced with some incredible tragedy I always have just believed that it was part of something greater. I’ve always just assumed, or had faith that He had a perfect plan and we obviously couldn’t and can’t see what that is. I don’t often doubt that God is working in some way and I am absolutely certain in my own inadequacy to understand whatever He is doing. But…..
As my departure time draws near and I realize that I need to be fundraising like mad I question myself. Why wasn’t I more active in doing this the last few months? Yes, I’ve sent out letters and asked people but really $17,000 is a big number! The answer is I guess I really believed/believe that if I’m going to Kenya and if I’m to be put to use there, that money is going to come in. Which then leads me to question whether it’s possible that having too much faith would make me borderline lazy and expectant that God will just provide? I guess it’s a matter of your heart and intention. I know that He is almighty and could bless me with that money at any moment but does that mean I should just sit back and say “If He wants to?” (The answer is obviously no.) This has been my struggle the last few months and I think that paired with the now more imminent deadline I’m regretting my complacency and wishing that I had been more proactive in fundraising. Now I’m not saying that I don’t trust Him anymore, I just mean for someone who is kind of predisposed to laziness and procrastination that it’s a fine line for me between trusting Him and feeling entitled to His blessing. So this week and month, I’ve committed to myself and Him that I’m gonna try harder and work harder and opening doors for Him to provide and praying for a miracle!
I’m not entirely sure I got my point across there accurately but hopefully you know what I mean. That being said, if you feel like supporting click on the tab!