Rainy Day Blues

I cry. All the time. Quite easily I might add. That P & G commercial about moms and the Olympics, every episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, or that sweeping violin solo strategically played in the background of ANYTHING. This feeling isn’t entirely new to me. I hang onto bad news, even when its from someone or about someone that I don’t know well or haven’t seen in years. I cry for them and I feel quite heavy with news for sometime. A good friend at camp once (during a conversation where I was crying about someone else who was going through some stuff and that someone else wasn’t visibly upset) told me that her favourite thing about me was how much I hurt for other people. Those words have stuck with me ever since because I don’t think until she said it that I realised that was what I was doing. I’m empathetic, almost to a fault.

Which totally freaks me out for this mission. I’m waiting to hear to incredible sad stories from these girls and for a suburban turned city girl from a first world country living in really blessed circumstances I’m terrified it will break me down. I’m afraid that the darkness that lurks in humanity’s heart will become overwhelming and my hope in people will be shaken.  And since I’ve had a couple run in’s with that little thing called depression before I’m praying that I am strong enough to hold my own, gentle enough to love sincerely and wise enough to turn to God for discernment and clarity in dealing with these women. I know first hand the power of a loving neighbour or friend who encourages with a hug or a kind word or a sincere interest and so all it takes is that one conversation, one kind word or caring hug and the world can be right side up again. The last few months, I feel like I’ve received so many kind words and encouragement and I can’t help but be thankful that God has so blessed my life with so many loving people. Even my dad, who is not totally crazy about me going kinda half jokingly half seriously said “maybe your mom and I will come to Kenya” which was endearing for reasons that require a whole other post.

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One thought on “Rainy Day Blues

  1. Your ability to cry is testament to a soft heart and an alive Spirit! The other big thing people notice about you is your happy spark! These two things in tandem are what make you you, and they are what makes you – present tense – an effective missionary.

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