Eeek… what am I even doing?

For those of you who know me, I never thought that missions was something that I would do as a profession. I had known a number of missionaries and seen the cards and photos on peoples’ fridges but it just wasn’t something good Chinese girls do… at least not according to my family. Coming from a fairly traditional Chinese family, my upbringing was centered around which university would I go to and will I become a doctor or a pharmacist? I compromised and did the university thing, but when in my first year of nursing school I realised that I was kinda arrogant and studying was in fact, a fairly useful skill I returned home with my tail between my legs and reevaluated my life plan. Over the next 5 years of my B.A. I (as all young adults do) learned to recognise what I was good at and what I should probably steer clear of. As it turns out, I was pretty good at talking to people, befriending them, encouraging and just being all around sociable. When I look back I find it amazing that I didn’t realise this earlier in life… probably the 5th grade reports cards that gave me a needs improvement in classroom manners because I spent too much time talking to everyone should have given me a pretty clear indication that I was an extrovert.

So then what kind of job involves talking to people and travelling back to the land I fell in love with and doing it for the best reason to do anything? Missions. Man is that a scary thought though… sure I’ll go work and help and serve but missionaries are brave and radical and bold and full of theology. I have never thought of myself as any of these things. Even this Sunday as I was presenting my project at church I couldn’t believe I was actually doing this! I have no idea what I’m doing or what this year has in store for me. I’m sure I’ll cry a lot and it will probably be impossibly hard. I will certainly hear stories of such unbelievable sadness, suffering and pain that I can’t even begin to imagine how these girls smile. I will feel disheartened and homesick and lonely. But I’m also sure that I’ll laugh a lot and sing loudly and feel an amazing amount of joy and hope. I will feel loved and be able to love with all of me. That is the beauty of His calling for us though, it doesn’t matter how brave or knowledgeable or what spiritual gifts you have, when He needs you He’ll take you there and equip you for whatever the task at hand.

Much love,

Ang